Redemption

My name is Matt and I am writing to share my story hoping that perhaps it can help someone else. I grew up in a pastors’ home, as my father was a Baptist pastor. At the age of 3 a son of my dad’s friend start to sexually abuse me. This began a pattern of sexual abuse by a few men in my life over the next 10 years.

I was an athlete and played any sport I could as a teenager, including hockey. My dad was my best friend and even coached me sometimes. When I was 21, one Saturday evening my father told my mom he was leaving her for another woman. This was a shock and devastated my mom, my siblings and I. My mom ended up having a nervous breakdown and since I was living at home, I had to deal with trying to support her and work etc…

I stole from my brother and my mother to gamble. I couldn’t stop

It all became too much and I became depressed-anger and bitterness consumed me. I turned to gambling on VLTS to take my mind off things. From there, I became addicted and spent more and more time and money at the machines. I stole from my brother and my mother to gamble. I couldn’t stop.

After stealing and gambling my mom’s money, I was consumed with guilt. I didn’t want to live like that and decided to end my life. I had already started cutting myself and decided that my only option was to overdose. I took about 17 pills and ended up in emergency room followed by a stay in the psychiatric unit for a week. When they discharged me, I didn’t feel ready and I ended up back in there a week later with a cut on my arm. This time I was in there 6 weeks. But in that time, I began healing and learning to cope with my feelings.  I began to go to gambler anonymous meetings 3 times a week. I also got back into church, and through the love of God and the prayers of my family and friends, I began to love myself and let go of the bitterness and guilt I was feeling.

That was over 12 years ago. I am now successful in my career, and stable in every way of life. I am thankful that the stigma of mental health is going away and by volunteering at SNW, I can help others who may be suffering as well.

Michael and team-thank you for allowing me to be a part of this and for being able to finally share my story as well.