Mental illness can also be a gift

From ten years of age until now, I have dealt with mental illness on various levels. 

As a young child with split parents, I always felt like I had to pick a side, because I wanted to love both, but I would also hear negative dialogue (from one of the sides).

On the other side of  my family, I had seen a plethora of violence (under the influence), which has scarred me my  entire life, to the point where I can’t sleep in the dark. I must say, however, my mother has been able to contribute in a positive manner throughout all the obstacles.

For instance, in ninth grade, I decided to leave regular high school and attend an agency school that specialized with  mentally-ill adolescents in crisis; that tenure lasted about a year, and then, I was expelled for confrontations with authority figures at the agency. I would be placed in a room by myself in a cottage, where I wasn’t around anyone. This led to my anxiety, depression, and poor emotional capacity to its worst level between April and May of 2017. 

My current psychiatrist was flabbergasted at that mixture.

Upon being expelled from the agency school, I actually stayed out of school for nearly a year, to improve my physical and mental health. As a result of Concerta, Zoloft, and Abilify all being  consumed at once (prescribed by a psychiatrist), I gained around 120 pounds. My current psychiatrist was flabbergasted at that mixture, saying it was comparable to telling someone they can go to hell.

I was beyond irate, at this, and I quit all three on my own (which I do not recommend). During this time off, I was able to work out twice a day, six times a week, and find my purpose. I may have been a year behind with academics, but this inactivity saved my life. If I did not take that time off, I would be in a grave at the moment. My mother supported me, spent every penny she had to take me to psychiatrists, and reward me with gym memberships — and I cannot thank her enough for that. My mother was my only support. She was all I had. 

My mother was my only support.

On the other hand, many who are not in the realm of the mental health word, assume that our behaviour is abusive to others; that is not the case. I have been a victim of this. Many with mental health issues have a difficult time expressing their emotions, so they possess more unique responses to uncomfortable situations.

One thing I have been trying to advocate for is for others to try to understand the thought process that pertains to mentally ill people, and how our  logic may differ from others. Whether it was at school, or at home with others besides my mother, my health was never taken seriously, until I was a ticking time bomb at school, where I would be bullied by students, and teachers, but I would retaliate. I was bullied and hazed at home, for my body image, weight, haircut, stutter, laugh, you name it — all of those things. Those insults may sound petty, but they seriously affect the perspective of a child growing up. 

I want to prove that mental illness can be a gift.

While I still struggle daily, and have my days where I can barely stand or get out of my house, I always remain optimistic about my future. I am an aspiring professional wrestler. I am currently in university, as well, but being in the ring is my ultimate goal. Specifically, my ultimate goal is to be the first mentally ill world champion in professional wrestling. I want to prove that mental illness can be a gift that helps to drive creativity, innovation, and can lead to your ultimate happiness (hopefully, that is the case for me).