Last December I was in treatment, this December I’m following my dream

For as long as I could remember, I had this dream.

I researched how to start said dream. I planned how I would accomplish said dream. Hell, I went to bed at night excited and CONVINCED tomorrow would be the day I followed through on said dream.

But then I would wake up.

My depression would tell me I don’t have the energy or the capacity to take on said dream. My anxiety would tell me I wasn’t good enough and that people would think it’s laughable to work for said dream. And my eating disorder would comfort me once I gave up on said dream … again and again.

But then I would wake up.

So the dream remained a dream. Until now.

In less than one week I am leaving my journalism career behind and in just over two weeks I am starting my masters in counseling to ultimately become a certified psychotherapist.

I’ve always known I wanted to end up working in the mental health field. For the past five years I’ve been working with SickNotWeak and helping people to share their mental health journeys. I’ve also used my role as a journalist to report on mental health stories. But what gave me the most purpose was helping people through their mental health struggles and sharing my own personal ones.

I’ve always told myself that if I have to struggle then I might as well use it to my advantage. But it’s funny how that same struggle also kept me from being able to use it to my full advantage.

Now I see my history as a benefit.

This past year has been a wild ride. I entered treatment for my eating disorder – a sickness I was in denial about having since the age of 16. And then once I found myself in recovery, it was time I focused on working through my lack of self-concept.

The whole year has felt like one giant light bulb going off or better yet, a domino effect of light bulbs going off. And now I’m ready for more.

Last December I was in treatment. This December I am headed to school.

I used to feel as though my past and my struggles would be a hindrance but now I see my history as a benefit.

The best feeling I’ve ever felt is when I spoke up for the first time and realized I was not alone. And if I could have the opportunity to provide that for others on a daily basis, why, it’s a win-win in my books.