The rest of the story

As most of you know, I was fortunate to be in the right place at the right time on March 1, 2012. That was the day I was able to help a young man from taking his own life.

It was just after 1 o’clock on a clear, but very cold day. I was pulling in to my parking spot situated on the top level of the parkade. I noticed a young person sitting on the wrong side of the railing. To be honest, my first reaction was to grab my phone and take a picture of the crazy young man (Stephen**). I just thought he was a thrill seeker. He was texting on his phone. He was dressed in a warm coat with a hoodie underneath, and the hood pulled up over his head. I could not see his face as his back was towards me. Matter of fact, I only got to see his face three times over the course of the next 25 minutes.

Just as I was about to take his picture (I’m still thinking he is a young and cocky for sitting on the wrong side of the railing) he starts to turn his head slowly around. I start to panic and lower my phone so he wouldn’t see me taking his photo. His head moved very slowly back around, facing away from me. I never saw his face.

To this day I don’t know why I stopped short.

I was in a rush to get back to my office so I jumped out of my truck and headed to the stairs in the corner of the parkade. To this day I don’t know why I stopped short but things just weren’t adding up. I could tell he lived on the street. His clothes were very dirty and the speed his head was moving was very slow. It was freezing at -15^oC, so I stopped and turned around. I walked slowly up to him and asked, “Are you ok?” No response. I asked him again. No response. I am about 15 feet away from him on his left side. I ask once more and he responds in a slurred voice, “Nobody cares”. This is where I can add a little humor to the story. My first thought when he said that was…. oh my god, we got a jumper! It went through my head just like the movie Old School.

Surprisingly I stayed very calm, plus he couldn’t see my face when I first realized he was going to take his own life. It wasn’t hard to tell drugs were at play as well. Not sure what to do after he responded, I moved closer to him. This is when my heart dropped. He shuffled across a four inch concrete ledge away from me. You or I couldn’t do what he did sober, let alone high on drugs. The positive thing was he stopped by a column and could put his hand on it to support himself if needed. He was shaking very bad and would act like he was going to jump two or three times.

I just kept asking him questions.

“What is your name?”

“Where are you from?”

“Do you miss home?”

“Do you miss water?”

Every question I asked him and he wouldn’t answer, I would answer myself.

“What is your name?”

“My name is Robbie.”

“Do you miss water?”

“I miss water, I’m from the east coast.”

For every 10 questions I asked, I would get about 1 answer in return but we were starting to make a small connection. Finally he turned his head to see who was asking him all the questions and why. Then he turned away but started answering a few of the question.

“What’s your name?’

“Stephen.”

“Where are you from?”

“The coast.” He slurred.

“What coast?”

“B.C.”

“Do you miss the water?” He turned slowly once more to look at me. This was the first time I saw his face.

When all this was going on, I tried to get the attention of three cars that went by to call 911 for help but no one stopped until a friend, a great guy from the East, did.

He quickly realized what was going on and parked. I kept waiving at him to call 911, which he does. He walks slowly up and joins me and we both try to convince Stephen it’s not worth it.

More time goes by and my friend and I are frozen, and so is Stephen. I was so scared he would fall, let alone jump.

The parkade security showed up but their radios were freaking Stephen out and he would start to shake as he was going to jump. We waved them to stay back a long distance. The police showed up and also stayed back with security. It was just the three of us. My friend and I took turns talking to Stephen and finally as I was telling him how cold it was, he just slowly reached his arm straight back as to say, Ok, I’m done.

In a split second my friend and I had a hold of him and pulled him back over. Weird but at no time did I think we would drop him. I had the tightest grip ever on him, and so did my friend. From that moment, the police took over and got him downstairs and outside to the ambulance. I noticed when we pulled Stephen over, his phone fell on the ground. I grabbed it and looked at his last text. It was from his mother asking “are you ok?????” My heart broke but I got the police to call her right away.

Turns out Stephen wouldn’t cooperate with the police unless I was there so I sat with him and they got the information they needed. He left in an ambulance and I never saw him again.

I want everyone to know that this is a situation that ended great and I’m very grateful.

I titled this “Now you know the rest of the story” so here it is …

For a better part of my life I have battled and struggled with anxiety and depression. Throw ADHD on that and you have a wound-up-top on a rollercoaster.

Depression is something easy to hide. All you have to do is smile.

That day when Stephan and I were together, we made a connection. We both missed water but I also made my own connection with him. The only difference between us was I was wearing a nice suite and he was wearing a dirty coat someone gave to him. I knew exactly what was going through his head. Depression doesn’t know if you have a good job. Depression doesn’t know where you live. Depression doesn’t care if you are a good person or not.

I am very fortunate to have the best support a person could ask for. Two parents that are there for me for life and a wife that unconditionally loves and supports me. The one thing that’s harder to deal with than depression itself is to be married to someone that battles depression.

Don’t think that this slows me down. I have a saying “keep your feet moving” which I do very well. This doesn’t’ mean I don’t need help sometimes and it doesn’t mean I’m weak.

I think about the many friends that are always there for me. They all share a commonality; they’ve all lost someone special. Someone that you never thought would take their own life. Someone that will never be replaced. Someone they loved very much.

They also gave me the courage to speak out and it’s OK to talk about mental illness and depression. There will probably never be a cure for mental illness but we always can be there for others. My father made a comment to me one time;

“Robbie, it doesn’t’ cost anything to care”.

Please understand that most people have some sort of struggle in life and by not talking about it or acknowledging it, doesn’t help. Trust me, the best thing to do is to talk to someone who won’t judge you and who cares. They may never understand what you are going through but they will always offer love and support.

**name changed to protect those involved.