The Roller Coaster to Life’s Work

Mental Health, for me, is like a roller coaster ride. I think I’ve traversed the highs and lows for most of my life. A sensitive child, always afraid, I didn’t really understand that something was broken in my brain until I couldn’t control my thoughts. I would hear of someone dying of cancer and be terrified that I would die of cancer too. I would analyze every bump or ache until it made me physically sick with fear. It only got worse as a teenager. Then, as a young adult, the depression started. The career, as a Graphic Artist, I had spent my years planning went bust as I developed Carpal Tunnel in both wrists. I had an identity crisis and lost myself in the process.

I was in constant pain, both emotionally and physically.

I had married just before that and, after moving to the U.S. for my husband’s job, I became a stay-at-home mom. Still my mind was not my friend. I continued to battle Anxiety and Depression but then a new beast emerged…chronic pain. It started after the birth of my son and continued through and beyond his diagnosis of Autism. The pain, guilt and heartache that I felt compounded because of my broken mind. I was in constant pain, both emotionally and physically. I was referred to a pain psychologist who ended up giving me the tools I’d need to begin healing my broken mind. He taught me to watch my thoughts and to challenge the stories that I’d been telling myself. I was a very reluctant patient but as I began the exercises, I realized he had a point. My thoughts really did have an impact on my state of being.

In the years between then and now, I have still ridden the roller coaster more times than I can count. I began to refer to them as breakdowns to breakthroughs, as every experience taught me something about myself or set me on a new path. I separated and became a single mom. After two years of trying to manage my own health and that of my son, I had a massive breakdown. I realized that my son needed to be with his Dad and that I needed to take the time to heal myself. I made a radical decision and went traveling through Europe for 3 1/2 months. Yet, even though I was exploring beautiful cities and wonderful places, I still had to deal with my demons. My mind didn’t take a vacation from anxiety and depression and my body didn’t take a break from the chronic pain. Still, I endured and came back stronger and more confident than I’d been before.

Until the next breakdown. And it was even bigger this time. I couldn’t handle the full-time job I’d taken when I returned home and had to go on, first, social assistance and then disability. I felt like a failure, never mind what I told myself what other people were thinking of me.

Yet, still the roller coaster ride went on.

It was just after the lowest of lows that I met the love of my life. He accepted me exactly as I am, broken mind, body, and all. I continued to work on my thoughts and through spirituality, meditation and mindfulness, I was able to do a better job of what I told myself. Yet, still the roller coaster ride went on. Ups, downs, highs, lows. The latest one was just this past January.

I eventually came to see that balance was the key to everything. It was then I decided to use my creativity and training as a graphic artist to create word art; words and phrases to help manage my thoughts, designed through fonts that matched the intention of the word. I started with the word “balance” and then went on to design others. “Don’t believe everything you think” and “This too shall pass” became words to live by.

Then one day I had a thought. If these designs could help me then maybe they could help others. That’s when the idea of temporary tattoos for mental wellness was born. I researched, I designed and I planned. I talked with my counselor about the idea and about all of the fears that I had about it. She even, inadvertently, came up with the name, Healthy Reminders and I loved how inside the name was the phrase healthy mind.

The thought of running a business and all of the things that I’ll have to learn scares the crap out of me but I’ve decided that the anxiety is worth it if I can help others manage their thoughts as well.

Will the roller coaster ride ever stop? I don’t believe so. I believe I’m going to spend a lifetime watching my thoughts and managing my mind. That has become my life’s work.