Give Tomorrow Another Chance

I am 49 years old and I have been officially battling depression since I was 35. By official, I mean diagnosed with chronic depression. Prior to that time, I had no idea what was going on. All I could remember was I was angry, confused, extremely anxious, and wanted to end my life. My Challenges, as I like to call them are daily. My personal experiences include self-destructive behavior, dissociating myself from family, suicidal planning, and daily challenges to stay alive.

In the past 15 years, since I first identified I had depression, Mental Health Awareness has come a long way. Now the new challenges people face are STIGMA, not being able to access proper resources and realizing that they can live with the daily challenges.

Suicidal ideations never left my mind

Suicidal ideations never left my mind; I planned on taking pills to overdose. I planned on tying an extension cord to the roof of the garage to hang myself, and even so much thought to find a gun to shoot myself. The real planning started when I was reviewing my life insurance policy to ensure my wife and kids would be financially secure.

Why did I not follow through? First and foremost I can thank my wife of 23 years, who has lived through a tremendous amount of emotion. Once I started to understand what I was going through, I made a conscious effort to talk with her, and ask her to keep me safe. This is a tremendous burden on a relationship, but I needed her to keep me alive; I found the best way for the relationship to survive is to talk about, share my thoughts and ask for help.

At 49, I am starting to understand the cause of some demons

Secondly, I was persistent with seeking help. Medication, multiple therapists and CBT has helped with my negative thoughts. At 49 I am starting to understand the cause of some demons.  Suicide has affected my life in many ways; my wife’s mother killed herself two weeks before our wedding and my son, 18, drafted by the Tampa Bay Lightning and played in the recent WJC lost a teammate to suicide. This suicide created an opportunity, and identified some of the feelings that stressed the importance of suicide awareness and depression.

With a 17-year-old daughter facing the challenges of high school, and a son facing the pressures of the hockey world, we make sure that both are provided an opportunity to talk about how they are feeling and be cognizant of what they may need at any time. Not every day is a good day, and that’s OK!

In my professional life I am a counselor with a local school board. Acknowledging and continuously trying to understand depression has helped me. Although I don’t share my personal feelings, I provide teens an opportunity to talk openly. Two comments that I have always struggled with are, “I understand” and “What’s wrong?” I am always conscious of listening and supporting the next step. The legal obligation to report also faces some challenges because teens are afraid to let their parents know. This is the importance of reducing the STIGMA attached to mental well-being. The rural area in which I work has seen numerous teen suicides over the past few years so. This continuously stresses the importance of identifying, listening and providing support for young people, who may face more challenges than I did growing up without social media.

The #sicknotweak initiative is another tool to help reduce STIGMA and to let people know they are not alone.

Today is a good day, tomorrow may not be, but I will give tomorrow another chance.