Finding Hope

My name is Keith and I’ve been battling depression, anxiety, and panic disorder for roughly 2/3 of my life.

I had a rather normal upbringing as a child, but remembering back, I started to feel “different” as I approached the age 12 or 13 and I always felt a cast of sadness and anxiety over me. I can’t think of anything in particular that triggered this transition-it just started happening. It was always something I figured I would eventually grow out of one day. I was convinced a life-altering event would take place and all of a sudden this madness going through my head would just evaporate-it never did.

The bottle then became my best friend.

The issues I was experiencing were really starting to take affect on me and interfere with my social life, schooling, dating, and sleep, amongst endless other things. The bottle then became my best friend. There was even one point in my life where I actually started questioning my sexuality, because what kind of man was I if I was “sad” all the time? I didn’t feel like a typical guy’s guy and would always have to put on a front that I was this alpha male while feeling completely emasculated inside.

Fast forward years later of treading water and battling daily, along with other unhealthy coping methods, life finally caught up with me. I crashed, ending up in a day program at the hospital that was specifically designed for mental health rehabilitation. Although it was one of the greatest things I’ve ever been a part of and I was extremely thankful I was enrolled in the program, I was also angered that the only reason I found out about it was by hitting rock bottom. This program has been available for over 20 years, and it was like I was finally part of some elite group, like I was being let into a secret club.

The entire time I was in the program, I kept imagining all the obstacles I could have overcome earlier in my life had I known that services such as the day program were available. Unfortunately, too many people who are suffering don’t know that help and services are available because nothing is posted up on billboards. Although I have never quite reached that point before, this was the time that I fully understood why people who are suffering take their own life. They feel hopeless, thinking there are no other options out there and the fight has got the best of them.

I was sitting next to teachers, lawyers, and highly successful business people who were all battling the same thing.

Thankfully the program taught me many coping methods of how to combat and live with your mental illness along with medication to live a fulfilling life to the best of your ability. It was also during this time that I learned mental illness doesn’t discriminate against anyone. I was sitting next to teachers, lawyers, and highly successful business people who were all battling the same thing-it blew my mind learning just how powerful the brain really is.

My goal is to give back-to be a peer and a supporter and to eliminate shame and stigma, especially with men as we naturally have a tendency to suppress our thoughts and feelings more than women.

#SickNotWeak