April 24, 2016
Disclaimer: SickNotWeak does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.
It was over 20 years ago today I entered my first rehab. Trying to explain to my oldest daughter why I was going was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.
Already dealing with the loss of my business and bankruptcy, it seemed all my discomfort from the past had all surfaced at once.
When it came time to explain to my daughter that I had a problem with drinking, and I would be gone for a while, her response as a child was, “daddy just don’t drink.”
The hurt, the pain inside me was so bottled up I didn’t know how I was ever going to deal with all my problems, the tears had built up for over 10 years, and I had forgotten how to even cry.
Today I am “Free” I have “Won” and have learned so much.
Since then I have battled for over 15 years in trying to see my way clearly, today my emotions, my love, my tears have all come back.
It was my inner afflictions and unresolved issues, which were put at bay with drinking and drugging, all in an attempt to avoid the sadness and in dealing with all my underlining issues.
Today I am “Free” I have “Won” and have learned so much.
Many of my issues were in my beliefs, led by my thoughts on how unfair I thought the world was around me, but in the end, I came to realize, it wasn’t the outer things all around me, but the inner things that were inside me and the way I looked at them.
Until I changed what I believed… was I able to set myself free.
We all have issues and problems in life, how we deal with them, how you deal with them will determine the outcome of how your life and the way you live. You can live in discomfort, regret, anger, frustration or you can choose to change… changing my beliefs has changed my outer actions; I no longer hide behind alcohol and drugs. Today each day is a Love and a Joy of the next to come.
It’s not so much what has happened to you, what’s been said to you, or done to you… it’s all in how you react to it.
I must always be vigilant and not become overwhelmed with issues in my life, I deal with them as fast as they come, this prevents them from becoming a crisis in my life.
It’s like each time that monkey jumps on my back, I smack him and tell him to get off, and there is no more free ride here.
It was the start of a long road to recovery.
In the end, my daughter was right, the first step was in coming clean, being straight was the only way I could ever see my way clearly.
It was the start of a long road to recovery… dealing with all those underlying issue and problems and bringing closure has set me free…
Happy Thoughts, Happy Heart, Happy life…
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This story touches me deeply… The stigma of Mental Health is very real as well is the stigma of Substance Abuse. I have been struggling with depression since a very young age and when in my teens I started drinking to numb my pain. After 3 suicide attempts, I finally went to a 12 step program and shortly after went to a Rehab which only serves clients with Concurrent Disorders. I now have clarity and understanding of both my Mental Health Illness and Substance Abuse Disorder and for that I am truly grateful. I have been sober for 15 months and living a life I never thought possible ?