Abuse, chaos and addictions

I am sharing my story today because I am Sick Not Wek and I truly believe anyone can have the strength to move onward and upward. No matter how helpless you may feel or how hard life is.

Let me start off by saying how weird it is to be in a place where people constantly tell you how happy you are and positive and inspiring.

No matter how helpless you may feel.

Especially despite recent events in your life, I want people to understand that it is so important to fight to be in a healthy environment and around good people. Toxicity can harm us so much and so can other people, adding life’s problems on top of that can really exacerbate a negative mindset that much more.

But there is hope, there is light and there is a future, we have to choose to see and believe that, that is how we find strength. Believe me when I say everyone struggles, we are not alone in this battle. Even the happiest of people have to choose to be happy, I promise you the voice in your head that tells you it’s just you is a liar and here’s why; I will try to keep this short.

There is light and there is a future.

Backstory:
I was born into a life of abuse, chaos and addictions.

My mother was physically abused by my brother’s father, my father was trapped fighting an unwinnable battle to protect myself, my mother and my brother from my brother’s father. I grew up in cop cars while the police dealt with the fighting between all three of them. It was never towards us, but my brother always did and still does struggle with this. Both of our father’s were alcoholics, his father still doing other things as well. Years later my brother’s uncle got involved with my mother and attempted to assault me. I fled to live with my grandmother at age 12. I didn’t know at this age I was a mean person, I didn’t understand I created the bullies in school because of this.

I was depressed throughout elementary and from then on until age 14 and the end of junior high I was depressed and suicidal. After one attempt in front of my mother, I spent time in a psych ward.

High school wasn’t better — more predators, more peer bullying, more exploitation while I searched for comfort in others, my body a sexual tool to try and receive love and abused by others, naive and foolish they took advantage.

To my peers, a whore; they wanted me to kill myself, they told me too. They spread it all over the internet, they hated me, some still do 10 years later and people still find the internet dirt.

I got support from family and friends and I left.

Age 19:
I left home and left the province, still had bad people in my life for years — they used me too. Met a much older man, I thought it would be better. He assaulted me, was charged with three different counts of assault. I went back to him, we were together six years, married, bought a house together. He was still abusive, I finally couldn’t handle it anymore, I had to leave I was miserable. The end was explosive, he tried to end his life multiple times, ruin his 14 years of sobriety, even people we didn’t know could tell we were completely miserable, our entire inner circle had to help me stop him from hurting himself and me again.

I got support from family and friends and I left.

I left him for someone I met in high school, we did a lot of drugs and partying back in the day, but he’s one of the good ones.

The last three years:
First I got hit by a car on my motorcycle my first month into college and hair school was absolute hell. I graduated but ended up with a horrible employer for a long time after that, I tried to have a baby but it was ectopic and lost my left fallopian tube, then that employer tried to force me out and I ended up on stress leave.

Then I had a worse employer, and lost another pregnancy, this one ending at eight weeks unknowingly I carried it for five weeks after it had passed until surgery. Then required a second surgery for complications and three years later just recently finalized my divorce and sold my house.

After all this and during this pandemic, I am in a healthy, happy loving home. I am mentally stable and I know you too can get there.

I am now out of words capped at 800, thank you for letting me share my story. There’s so much unsaid, but so much more worth looking forward too, I promise.