There will be days

There will be days that hurt worse than you can imagine.

Days that feel like weights. Anchors.

Drowning.

There will be days that make you question everything.

Whether you’ll laugh again, whether you’ll love again, whether you want to live.

There will be days that change you.

Change how you see yourself, how you see the world, how you see the dust that dances in the sunbeams.

There will be days that you harm yourself just to feel something other than the weight. The anchor. The drowning.

Drinking, smoking, cutting, popping, sleeping, staggering, slipping…

Days that you’d be better off to erase, if only you could.

And then.

Then there will be days that have moments that lift you.

Where the rain falls and you breathe deeply and you feel like a part of this world once again. Cleansed.

Where the sun breaks through and stills you. Stops you. Makes you soak it in.

There will be days where a kiss happens and you fucking feel it inside your soul. An aching returned.

Where a hug feels good again.

Where you sleep soundly. Rest.

There will be days that you notice the trees blooming and the warmth of a cup of coffee and how a bath can bring you back to yourself.

There will be days that don’t feel so bad. That you want to continue living for, should they come again. And they will. Trust me, they will.