I have a mission


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My name is Emily and I am 20 years old, born and raised in Canada.

I was adopted at the age of one. My biological mother was young when she had me. She was struggling with addiction and couldn’t give me the basic human needs for survival. I was malnourished and very weak. I was dying. I was adopted at the age of one and a half. When I was adopted, I spent a lot of time at the hospital doing cat scans and other intense tests to try to help me. I couldn’t  walk, talk, or move at all. I had to do speech therapy as I had trouble speaking. When it came to my schooling, I was assessed and put in a special needs class. I was bullied and beat up because  of it. I spent eight and a half years in this class, until family took me out and home-schooled me.

Things were starting to look better.

When I was 16, I was taken away from my adopted parents and spent almost three years with another relative. I started at another high school. Things were starting to look better. I’ve struggled with mental illness. I had major depression and suffered with suicidal thoughts. I’ve attempted suicide more than once. My city had a suicide crisis in 2016, during which time, my partner took their life. That’s when life ended for me. I was hospitalized three times with pills and needles in isolation because  I was so focused on ending my pain. The third hospitalization was intense, but it saved my life. I’m very thankful to this day for their help.

I will beat this illness because I have a mission.

I still struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, but I will beat this illness because I have a mission. My mission is to tell people my story and help others. Never be afraid to ask for help. I am a mental health advocate and blogger.  I completed the ASIST program to learn how to help people who are suicidal and I also learned how to do crisis intervention.

“Reaching out doesn’t make you weak, it makes you strong”
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Dear Emily. I got emotional reading your story, and read it with great interest because I, too, was adopted… in 1952 at the age of 10 months. I can’t imagine the horrible trauma you’ve had to deal with. I had the good fortune to be raised in a loving home and had a wonderful childhood. But that didn’t prevent severe mental illness problems from beginning in my teenage years, which is quite typical. Mine have included depression and suicidal thoughts, low self esteem and sensitivity to rejection. Adoptees suffer from severe mental illness problems at a rate many times that of the general population, and it’s the infant trauma of birth mother separation, a trauma that remains in the subconscious for life, that leads to it all. Very few people, even mental health professionals, are aware of this, and I only found out recently. In your case, you’ve suffered through so much more. I greatly admire your courage, Emily, and wish you well in both your struggle to overcome depression and your life’s mission.

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Dear Emily, I don’t think I can find the appropriate words how I am impressed of you story. From where you came and went through to what you are today and want to go. All this in just 20 years of life and I do sincerely hope and wish for you that this was “just” 20% of your life expectation. Because this mission of yours and the steps ahead are so important. If this all helps at least to safe just one life – yours – that’ll be an honourable accomplishement. Saving one life more is something you HAVE to be proud of (even though you may think you shouldn’t be). Saving one more life would be awesome … you get the idea. But remember: saving one’s life doesn’t necessarily mean saving one from suicide. Saving one’s life also means help one to get well or at least be able to live an “almost-normal” live by knowing how to live with his / her illness. Or getting an idea of his/her live again, maybe find his / her mission as well. I do believe that you are more than legitimate to go on this mssion, because there may be people out there who have much less experience with this illness in 20 life-years than you. Doesn’t mean they are better off, their pain is there and different. What I am trying to say is that you have so much to offer. The power of youth combined with life-experience is a package, don’t you think? The fact that you stand up saying “I WILL BEAT THIS ILLNESS BECAUSE I HAVE A MISSION.” is probably the best fuse, the best cause and reason, the strongest attitude one can have! You will not die! You will live and you will have an impact on life: yours and those who reach out to you. So this is why I’m impressed. All the best from germany!

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