Jun 27, 2018
This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.
“You’re no good for anything!”
“You can’t even keep your house clean or keep a full time job!”
“What is wrong with you?” Say the voices in my head.
How can I possibly live a fulfilling life if I can’t even take a shower without a struggle?
The guilt is still there all the time.
The guilt and shame of depression and anxiety are real. I have been struggling with mental illness for all of my adult life and getting over the guilt and shame is very difficult. The bad days are further apart now than before and I am lucky to have medication that works for me and a wonderful support group but, the guilt is still there all the time.
I can’t contribute to my family the way that I want to and struggle to work two days a week because that is all I can handle. I have even had someone in the healthcare profession once tell me that I was a burden to my family. After several days of tears and contemplating suicide I finally told a family member what was said to me. They were furious and insisted I report the professional. In my head I believed what the person had told me and was too ashamed to tell other people what had happened for fear that they would agree with this person.
Aren’t all healthcare professionals bound to help their patients?
Aren’t all healthcare professionals bound to help their patients and not make them feel worse? What did I do that was so terrible that I would be a burden on my family? It’s been over a year now since that incident and yet I still think of it often. The stigma is real and alive everywhere you look! How are we supposed to get the help we need when the healthcare profession is still not all on board with understanding that mental illness is just that, an illness and needs to be treated as such. I know now, I AM NOT A BURDEN to my loved ones!
If I get out of bed in the morning and wash my hair, that is a goal reached. If I make it to work on one of my two days a week, I should be proud of myself and know that I have made it through one more battle in this fight called depression.
For those of you struggling and feeling the guilt and shame of not being able to do what you once did, remember that you matter and it does get better! Everyday is a gift and whether you can make it to work or simply just get out of bed, consider it a victory. Be proud of everything you accomplish, no matter how big or small and soon those accomplishments will get bigger and those feelings of guilt and shame will start to fade.
Everyone deserves to live a fulfilling life and remember we are #SickNotWeak!