May 9, 2018
This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.
Looking back at the past two years now, I am able to reflect on some of the struggles I’ve dealt with.
Depression doesn’t just make you feel down for a few days, it can knock the wind out of you for months and even years on end. For me, two years ago, I was in a very dark place and was at the end of the tunnel with no light to be found.
Sometimes, it takes people who understand you picking you up when you fall down, and for me those people were my brother and Michael. Up until now, even when feeling good, I’ve dealt with the fear of depression’s worst blows coming back to haunt me. I’ve also been wondering why I have to go through the struggle of wondering if I’ll ever just feel normal again.
“Why do I have to deal with this disease?”
On Bell Let’s Talk Day, I went to my therapist after a hard week and it changed everything for me. One question I asked was, “Why do I have to deal with this disease?” Depression has knocked me down, taken the life out of me, and at some points, had me wishing I wasn’t even living.
“Why do I and so many people get dealt this shitty card?”
My therapist responded with words that have changed my outlook on life: “It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you deal them.” Simple words, I know, but it’s easy to forget that as a community we’re in this for each other, and by sharing our story we’re helping each other deal with this battle we fight every day. He also told me about this look on life known as collateral beauty, whenever there’s a tragedy, so many people focus on the negatives, however nobody pays much attention to all the people who come out to help the people suffering.
On January 31, millions around the country and so many of us battling depression, rallied around supporting each other and raising awareness for mental health. It’s amazing how so many of us, despite dealing with this horrible disease, have been able to put so much back into trying to raise mental health awareness and support each other, it’s also great to see so many politicians, athletes, celebrities and anyone with a big platform sharing their stories and using their platform to help.
Depression is not a weakness.
I know when times get hard, it’s difficult to look at the big picture, but we have to recognize we’re #SickNotWeak, depression is not a weakness, we can get help, and we’re all in this together. Two years ago, I almost was down for the count, but in the last second, I got up and gave depression a right hook to the jaw. Today, I’m still fighting, but I’m glad I’m still here, I got to see my sister get married in December and it was one of the happiest experiences of my life.