Guest Author: Anne

This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.

To the priest:

“Am I possessed?”

At the hospital:

“I haven’t slept
for three nights.
My thoughts are racing.
My mind is making
amazing connections.
People are talking about me
when I’m not there.”
“Are you hearing voices?”
“No!”  (What do you think I am?

And later:

“You’re suffering from psychosis.”
“Oh.”  (You mean you’ve encountered this before?
You mean I’m not unique, unusual, unheard of?
You mean I don’t have special powers?)
“How long will I be on medication?”
“Don’t know –
six months?”
(Wow!  That long!)

On medication:

“Why do I feel so lousy?
Why am I walking so slowly?
Why does my face feel so stiff?
Why is my mouth so dry?
Why am I having
so much trouble talking?
so much trouble thinking?
so much trouble deciding?
so much trouble remembering?”
Side effects.
Side effects.”

From time to time:

(There’s no point.
It’s all too much effort.
How long ‘til bedtime?
I could
use that knife,
step in front of a bus.)

But over time:

“I’m enjoying reading again.
I’ve picked up cross-stitch.
I’m volunteering.
I’m feeling better about my parenting skills.”
(Less guilty.)
“I’m working.”
(I’ve forgiven
for this illness.
It’s not my fault.
I’m not ashamed.)

And now:

(I am unique, special, individual, important.
Through suffering
I’ve grown
to know myself
to know my values
to know my dreams.
I’ve grown closer
to God.
Life isn’t perfect but
life is good.)



You are a beautifully uniquely made amazing fighter keep up with your beautiful art you made me cry tears of joy!


That was amazing!


Such a touching story, Anne. I’ve re-read it a few times, trying to understand. We all have such different issues, and mine seem almost trivial compared to yours. It sounds like you’ve made big strides since you began getting help. Finding a spiritual path makes such a difference. All the best to you.

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