Dec 12, 2017
This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.
Recently I’ve realized just how many friends have stepped out of my life because of my mental illnesses.
I’m not talking about the friends that are out of town, or that I haven’t talked to for a while. I know the difference between being busy and flat-out avoidance.
The ones that used to be a ‘ride or die’
I’m talking about the friends who swore they would always be there, but if I was to try and get a hold of them today, they would avoid contact with me.
The ones that used to be a ‘ride or die’ but now barely make small talk when I bump into them. The ones who never cared enough to try and understand why I can’t just ‘get over’ things like most people can.
This letter is for you….
Dear bestie/ friend/ or acquaintance;
I want to take some time to thank you.
You see, being a young adult is hard enough, let alone being a young adult who’s trying to battle/navigate/understand not only one, but two serious mental illnesses.
Realizing that I am different.
Trying to answer the “why is this happening to me” question I’ve had racing through my mind since day one. Trying to grieve the life I always thought I would have, but now never will.
Realizing I am no longer the person I once was. Realizing that I am different. And honestly just fighting every day for stability, for my sanity, and ultimately for my life. So thank you for the time you spent in my life. But also, thank you for leaving it.
You see it’s hard enough living every day of my life hating myself. It’s even harder when you don’t know who to trust; who’s genuine and who isn’t; or who’s going to tell your dirty little secrets.
Thank you for teaching me more about myself than I could have imagined
By removing yourself from my life [as much as it may have and still does continue to hurt me] you have actually helped me. I guess what I’m saying is navigating life with these illnesses is challenging enough without adding the difficulty of having people I wholeheartedly trust, betray said trust.
So thank you for teaching me more about myself than I could have imagined. Thank you for freeing up my time for the possibility of friendships that are deeper than you could ever fathom. And lastly, thank you for leaving, and allowing me the possibility of friendships that understand how difficult it can be to live with these illnesses.
Because having friends that help you fight rather than making you feel guilty for not being strong enough, can truly save a person’s life.