Apr 11, 2017
This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.
When I explain to you what has happened over the last 12 years, you might not believe it took place, but it did.
Depression is a word that I knew of but never really understood what it meant until I hit 20. I woke up one day, and did not have a interest in doing anything, and felt really sad. I kept those feelings with me because, like most guys, I did not want to admit to what I was feeling.
When I was 22 years old, my sister was about to get married and I was starting to get these horrible stomachaches and having severe intestinal issues, so after a while I threw my hands up and went to the doctors. The doctor send me for a ultrasound and when the results came in, instead of figuring out my stomach issues, that they had found a mass on my right kidney.
I was floored, but ready to fight.
So I went for tests, CAT scans and MRIs. The doctors ended up surgically taking a sample of the mass and then I got the answer that would scare anybody … KIDNEY CANCER. I was floored, but ready to fight. I had my right kidney removed and I was thankful because the doctors had gotten to it before it spread. I was completely good to go, so I just had the regular followups making sure it did not come back.
If that was the only thing that I would have had to deal with I believe I would have been okay, but when I was 27 I began suffering from headaches. After more CAT scans and MRIs, I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor. I could not believe when those words came out of my doctors mouth. So off I went again to a specialists office to find out what could be done to fix the issues this tumor was causing. Even though it was ‘benign’, it was still growing in my penal gland and could cause damage.
Through all of these health concerns, I was still struggling with depression. Each health scare caused me to sink deeper into my depression while simultaneously trying to fight the disease of the moment. Needless to say, it was a challenging time.
My brain surgeon said that he had to find out if the tumor was cancerous, so the following week I was prepped for surgery. The only problem was no one was prepared for what 27 years of pressure in my head had done structurally. The surgeon struggled to get a sample or a clear view, and after that first surgery there were no results.
I was kept in the hospital for another week and they tried again and this time they got the sample they needed. The good news was that my tumor was not cancerous. The bad news was that it was such a rare form of tumor that there was no plan to be put in place. After a third surgery in four weeks to relieve some of the pressure, and with no plan for my future in place, my depression really took over.
My depression got to a point where I went out to a bridge near my apartment shortly after I got out of the hospital and got really drunk, (and I was not a drinker to begin with) and stood on this bridge over a highway and was ready to jump. The only thing that brought me back was the fact I knew my mum wouldn’t be able to stand the loss of me. I got down and the next day I sought help from my general practitioner.
You can ignore the voice in your head that says you don’t matter.
After having a few discussions with my GP, I tried the medication route. After trying a few different ones, I found the one that works for me. I was also sought out the proper counseling for me as well. I know as of today, I am not out of the woods, but with the proper support group and medical help you can overcome your issues. You can ignore the voice in your head that says you don’t matter. I know it is hard, but knowing that I am still here and that you have people who care – whether it is friends, family or even co-workers. They can be the help and encouragement to get through the dark days, and be there to help you enjoy the happy ones, whether they are often or not.
Thank you very much for you reading my story and please enjoy every day as much as possible.