Don’t give up

If you read nothing else in this whole testimony please read the opening sentence here and train your mind and thoughts, especially if you are sick with mental health issues.

I was born June, 1978. My parents were told that this would be a difficult birth. I was born with three difficulties; which were hydrocephalus, hypotonia and hearing loss.

I was rushed to the Hospital  where I was supposed to have further tests done.

The doctors advised my parents that I had to have shunts put into my head and that my parents, older brother and grandparents needed to get to the hospital right away.

My Mom tells me that they all got in the car immediately and started driving to get to me. When they entered the hospital, the doctors were stunned at what had happened. The doctors advised the family that they cannot explain it, but that medical work is no longer needed and that shunts will not be required.

As a little boy, I could not write properly with a pen or pencil. In my early school years, I can remember while all the other children were using pens and pencils, I was given a typewriter to be on par with the other students. I knew that I had to keep fighting and persevere and never let these obstacles hold me back. I would actually get pretty stubborn because I always had an, “I’ll show you I won’t let you tell me that I can’t do that!”

I am a huge sports fan and as a youngster was into soccer and ice skating with dreams of playing as a professional hockey player.

I used to get teased often in school as being ‘a different person’ based on my disabilities. When I got to my pre-teen years and teenage years, I would always hide and kind of bury that part of my past with my disabilities. When I would be out with friends, I would put my hearing aids away and pretend to be someone I am not.

In June of 1996, I was able to obtain my high school diploma. Teachers would always talk down to me and think that despite my obstacles that I wouldn’t be able to be like the other children.

After graduating high school, I used to think that I could get a corporate office job without any difficulties.

However, from 1996 until the end of 2004, I had frequent employment gaps. Throughout that time, I never shared my story of my disabilities for fear of being painted in a bad light as a man battling disabilities.

The big break came in January, 2005 where I was able to obtain a law firm position in the heart of the city. My world flipped upside in March, 2008 as I found myself unemployed.

I started sending out resumes again but nothing was coming. In May, 2009 my world shook as my last grandparent died leaving me grandparent-less. I became very angry, hurt, abandoned and lost from that contact and safety of knowing that each Christmas or birthday, I would not see my grandparents.

I felt like there was nobody out there who cared.

In 2010, this was really my breaking point. Jobs were still not coming and the ability and desire to do anything began to take its toll. I became more angry, I started feeling alone and I felt like there was nobody out there who cared. I started having dreams of committing suicide and driving my car off of a cliff and having my friends and family mocking me at my funeral.

In 2012, I was lead by my mother to attend a recovery program where the primary aim is to help those people find victory from harmful habits.

I attended an anxiety recovery group in 2012.

In the summer of 2014, I found a job as a freelance sports writer. I had never done anything like this before. I was able to write over 350 sports articles.

In March, 2016 I became a volunteer and ambassador for Sicknotweak.com, a website designed to encourage help end the stigma around mental health issues and where it can be discussed without fear or condemnation.

Now as an adult, I am able to drive my own car and able to do daily activities without any real restrictions or difficulties.

I still struggle professionally to find steady employment, I struggle personally wondering when I am going to find my wife and I wonder when I am going to have children.

To anyone that reads this and reaches your heart and soul, this guy understands your struggle and will not judge your story at all. We must unite and share our story to our family and friends who struggle in this battle and reassure them that they must not give up.

We are never alone and must never give up!