The Relapse Queen

“Facing your demons head on will probably be one of the scariest, but rewarding events to EVER occur in your lifetime.”

~Kelley McElreath

I used to not have relapses at all. Why? Because relapses happen in between the longer so called, “good” periods. For several years, there was no good periods. It was just one horrible second by second, minute by grueling minute, day by depressing day.

I survived an attempted suicide. Doctors called in my family telling them I was not going to make it. I was on life support for days. When I got out of the hospital I was WAY worse than BEFORE I tried taking my life. Only now, there was no options for me. I damaged my two teenage girls and my family and there is nothing I can do to go back and change it. I literally stayed under the covers most of the day for six months after that. I was SEVERELY depressed.

Time went on and I got better. I started having longer stints of good days. Then I could get through a whole month. Then … I would spiral down into darkness. Sometimes during a time like that, when I am already thinking nothing but negative thoughts, I’ll start the process of beating myself up for relapsing. A lot of times the relapse, for some strange reason, comes after some really great things have happened in my life. So that makes me start wondering how in the hell can I be perfectly fine for a long time and feel perfectly worthless the next day?

I finally discovered one of the big reasons, for myself at least, why I was unknowingly doing this. I realized that sinking into the darkness and then beating myself up terribly for it was my way of punishing myself for trying to take my life. At that time, I became very, very aware that I could never, in this life time, make myself pay enough that would equal to the pain I had caused others. The guilt, the shame, all of it SUCKS.

Are you relapsing?

Did you just get through a relapse?

Do you worry about having a relapse?

I want to share something with you that I believe will help you tremendously.

R – Remember

Remember how far you have come. Remember that you are only human. Remember the good days and ponder on them the rest of the day.

E – Empathize

Write in third person about whatever it is you are concerned about. This is an   amazing tool to have empathy for yourself.

L – Learn

What have you learned through this? What do you think life is trying to teach  you RIGHT NOW in THIS moment.

A – Appreciate

Appreciate your own self and give yourself a pat on the back if you conquered it yourself. If not, tell the other person how much you appreciate them for being there for you and for understanding.

P – Pause

Pause for a moment. Close your eyes. Take in a few really big breaths. With your eyes still closed, imagine the greatest day you have EVER had in your   whole life. Thing about it with ALL of your senses. How did you feel? What did you smell at the time? What were you doing? Who was with you?

S –  Strengthen

Each and every single one of us have a hidden gem inside of us. It is an internal    power, a strength that resides in you EVERY moment. Think of a time you accomplished something or when you got through a relapse before! How did you do it then? How are you doing it now? Think on those things and you will literally feel the strength rising right in the center of your chest.

E – Encourage

Did you know that you can encourage YOURSELF? It is one of the greatest tools in my toolbox of coping skills. By now, you should be feeling MUCH better, if you have done the above steps. Say to yourself, out loud and in front of the mirror if possible, WOW! I can’t believe it! I have just helped my OWN self! You know what “your name,” I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

When you start to feel down or if you have relapsed, use this tool again remembering how much it worked for you the last time. EVEN if you don’t feel like doing it. Just get started!

Kelley McElreath  | The Survivor Coach | www.thesurvivorcoach.com