Not just a trend

For many years, I was able to hide my depression. I was able to perfect my façade and fool people into thinking that everything was alright – that I was alright.

I was doing so well with carrying out this role until 2012 –  my final year of high school – when things went really downhill. I missed well over sixty days of school due to the fact that my depression was getting worse. I couldn’t leave my bed, no matter how hard I tried; it was difficult for me to step outside of my room. My bedroom became my best friend – the four walls that surrounded me knew my deepest, darkest secrets.

I can perfectly recall the day that everything took a turn. There was a snowstorm warning that day, and not many students came to school – the halls were practically empty. It was a day I couldn’t skip due to a presentation worth 30% of my mark. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t control myself that day, and tears began to roll down my cheeks. Not knowing what to do, my friends gave me hugs and took me to my first period class, where my teacher spoke to me. To be quite honest, she really didn’t make matters better for me in that instance because she thought I was “following a trend.” You see, Grade 12 took a toll on a lot of students because there was a murder-suicide that year with a girl that a lot of us went to middle school with. On top of that, a fellow classmate committed suicide.

My bedroom became my best friend.

I was shocked when my teacher accused me of “following a trend.” Here I was, fully exposed in my depression after trying to hide it for years, and this was the first thing that was said to me. Granted, I didn’t have the best first experience but I couldn’t allow one negative interaction hold me back from trying out new ways of receiving help. Afterwards, my guidance counsellor was informed and from there, so were my parents.

I’m not going to tell you that I began receiving help immediately in high school because that’s a lie. I put it off,  and the first counselling session I received was in 2014. It took me a while to trust and open up to someone and that too, I only started because someone close to me really believed in the psychologist they referred me to. But again, that was my own personal choice. I could sit here and explain to you why I didn’t seek help immediately in high school, or right after I graduated, but that’s not important. I realize now that I should have started my counselling earlier. Looking back, I realize it’s so much easier for students to get help in high school. Right when a peer or teacher notices something is wrong, they’ll take you to the guidance counsellor and from there a game plan is set up. But what happens once you start university or college? It’s more of an independent lifestyle as you don’t have anyone overseeing you throughout the years. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t any options available to you.

I had a conversation with my program coordinator just a few days ago, and she mentioned that a lot of students first find out they have a diagnosis or need counselling when they walk through the doors of the institution and open up to either a professor or their coordinator. I speak from personal experience when I say that I highly recommend you open up to a professor or your program coordinator. Tell them what you’re going through and how you are feeling, and they’ll connect the dots and introduce you to people within the institution that can provide services suitable to your needs. Each and every student has health and counselling services available to them for free as it’s covered in their tuition – it’s something we should be taking advantage of.