Sep 20, 2016
This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.
I try to think, and think, and maybe come to an answer of when all of this started. I mean, I’m so young. Barely even finished high school. Why is all of this happening to me?
I am 16 years old, and I am suffering from mental illness. My diagnosis ranges from depression, to ADHD, to borderline personality disorder. And to be completely honest, my life has been hell these past few years. My sickness has caused me to lose more friends than I can count, my grades to dropped, my self-esteem seems to disappear, along with my hope, motivation, and reason to live.
My story does not have a miraculous breakthrough.
My story does not have a miraculous breakthrough, and I cannot say that I am in recovery. The only thing I can say, is that I am still here. I am still fighting. The demons I battle with, have caused me to attempt to end my life 2 times. The voices tell me that I am alone, that no one loves me, that I will amount to nothing in life, and they ruin any hope or optimism I have.
But there are days, where I am stronger than my mental illness. I am stronger than my illness. And so are you.
I am here today, and the only thing I can say is that, I haven’t given up. I cannot tell you that it’s going to get better, and that the voices in my head don’t tell me not to end my life. I know that when you are suffering from a mental illness, you grasp for a moment of hope, a sign, something to tell you when things are going to feel okay again. And the sad truth is, that it may take you a really, really long time to feel okay again. I am still waiting for the day to come when I can say that I am in recovery, and I no longer battle with the demons inside of my head. For now, I am going to continue holding on. I will hold on, and I will not give up. Even if I can’t get out of bed for days, even if I feel like I can’t leave my house, or like I am not worthy or deserving of a happy life. I will still continue to live.
My story isn’t over yet, and neither is yours.
My story isn’t over yet, and neither is yours. No matter what you are going through, even if it feels like it’s the worst thing you have ever been through, I can tell you that there will always be a moment of happiness, of hope. Even if it only lasts for 3 minutes, 3 seconds, it will still be there. I know that’s what I have to hold onto when things get really bad. Mental illness does everything it possibly can to hurt you, to make you hate yourself, to consider that ending your life is the only solution to ending your pain. Please, stand up to that. I know its hard, but it is possible.
I stand up to my mental illness when I can, and those small victories, remind me that I am stronger than this, and someday, I will feel like I can finally say, that things do get better.