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Depression isn’t just a punch

Guest Author: Sam

This content contains explicit and sensitive information that may not be suitable for all ages.

Depression isn’t just a punch, where you can wipe off your wound and keep going. It can knock you down for what feels like an eternity.

My battle started when I became a teenager. I often had doubts about where I was going to end up in my life and wondered if it was worth it to keep going. This voice in my head kept telling me things like “you’re not worth it” and “the world would be fine without you.” Even after finishing up high school and moving to a completely different province, that voice was still there.

But here I was again, just me and that voice.

I had an opportunity at a college in my old town, with lots of old friends and a chance to make something out of myself. 

But here I was again, just me and that voice.

I haven’t really had any problems with change in the past, but leaving everything I ever knew hit me hard. I had trouble finding work for a long time and eventually it started to wreak havoc on my confidence. I didn’t think I was good enough or even deserved  to go to college or have friends, and I thought, “Why would someone hire me when I can’t even stand on my two feet?” I was starting to feel isolated and in the same place I started.

I felt like all of the progress I had made had gone down the drain.

Still there was hope, some belief I had to keep trucking through whatever life threw at me. Eventually, I started to make friends and decided to do landscaping in the summer to keep me busy. 

Things were starting to look up and I also was able to find a great job a couple months later. After the summer, my confidence was starting to come back, I applied for a program at a college in the city and recently just got accepted. 

It’s not going to be this bad forever.

Even with everything going a lot better, there still are those thoughts wondering if depression is going to come back and derail my progress. But knowing I have been able to come back from that darkness, and grow from a year ago, taking small steps to take me where I am gives me the confidence to keep going.

You can’t fade out entirely from it, but taking small strides to change where you are, surprisingly, can get you up on your feet again. Making that one call to a friend can change your whole life and make that darkness bearable.

What I’ve learned through my battles with depression is that no matter how hard it hits you, it’s not going to be this bad forever. There is hope, life does get better, and if you continue to hold onto that even if only a small part of you believes it, it can give you the courage to keep going. 

Comments

sally
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As someone who has battled similar “voices of discouragement”, I admire your strength, determination and positive outlook.

Susie
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thank you. I relate to what you’ve said.

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